How to Tackle Picky Eating

We’ve all heard it before – picky eating is common in childhood. Maybe your child asks for the same foods every – “mac and cheese for dinner, please!” Maybe the brand needs to stay exactly the same– “I only want the cereal with the blue dog on the box!” Perhaps it’s a combination of the two and the daily breakfast demands include, “I only eat the frozen waffles with the blue background and only when mom cooks them in the toaster oven exactly right!” Hilariously specific on a good day, but absolutely exasperating on others.

Picky eating is a normative experience for most children between the ages of two and six. Even the most adventurous eaters in infancy can become limited eaters in toddlerhood. The most common recommendation parents receive when they describe having a picky eater at home is to “wait it out” because most picky eating resolves on its own, and parental stress over picky eating can lead to negative outcomes for kiddos (and, arguably, for parents as well).

But is knowing that picky eating is normal for kids enough to help decrease parental worry? Nope. In my experience as a psychologist working with parents of picky eaters, not so much.

If containing your worry is a challenge, let’s talk instead about how to channel that concern in a more productive direction – namely, into realistic, well-tested techniques to support your child in getting exposure to a variety of foods even if they aren’t quite yet ready to eat them. And, if your child is older or their picky eating is interfering with their growth, health, and day-to-day functioning, it will be important to intervene (for more on how to determine if picky eating has veered into eating disorder territory check out this podcast episode).

Use Exposure to Tackle Picky Eating

In terms of strategy, the key principle is exposure. Exposure is the known antidote to avoidance across a range of psychological and behavioral issues, including separation anxiety, phobias, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and school avoidance. It’s also a reasonably well-studied approach for restrictive eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa and avoidant restrictive food intake disorder.

Exposure aims to provide your child with the opportunity to be around, learn about, and try different foods. Interventions vary; some focus on sensory exploration (like touching, looking, and smelling) while others focus on tasting something new or typically avoided. Although sensory exploration can be great for a subset of kiddos, the most useful form of exposure is to consume a food item. That’s not to say we shouldn’t expose kids to sensory characteristics; rather, it means we should not expect that to be sufficient on its own.

Fundamentals of DIY Food Exposures

The first step in do-it-yourself food exposure is to consistently present a small amount of non-preferred food to your child with their meals and snacks. Repetition is key. For example, if you are having chicken and green beans and rice for dinner, but you know your child will primarily eat the rice, it’s important to continue serving a small portion of the chicken and green beans with that. Every. Single. Time.

In my experience, parents express reluctance to do this for two very understandable reasons:

1. Parents do not want to waste food.

Keep in mind that presenting a small portion, even one or two bites, tends to actually be better for exposure to foods. In fact, evidence from feeding therapy studies suggests that the smallest bite a child can try and still learn about a food is about the size of a pea. Small portions provide experience with a food item without the overwhelming presentation of a full portion. Over time, this alone can encourage engagement with the non-preferred food item.

2. Parents are concerned that their child will not be able to tolerate the non-preferred food even being on the plate.

If your child is struggling to tolerate food being on the plate or isn’t making any steps towards engaging with food, then consider systematic food exposures. This involves using a graduated (or stepwise) approach to tasting select foods. Pick a step that is just a little harder than what their child could easily do. If your child is struggling to have food on their plate, start with it on yours. Gradually increase this by placing a small portion on their plate, and then start setting goals around having a small bite of the food.

Setting Goals and Using Rewards

Goals ought to be specific, and there is no such thing as too concrete when setting a goal for a child. Parents commonly describe to me that they asked their child to take “a bite” of a food, only to have their child stick their teeth all the way out of their mouth and grab the tiniest morsel. Unsurprisingly, this can result in a power struggle. Being specific will set you and your child up for success. Portioning off a piece of the food that you consider “a bite” or telling them exactly how to lick a noodle “hold the noodle all the way on your tongue like this for five seconds” can help reduce negotiations with them (or more accurately, with their picky eating).

Rewards help reinforce hard work. Setting up a reward system can motivate a child to do the hard work involved in food exposures. To be most effective, rewards need to be (1) sustainable for you as parents and (2) fairly immediate. Give a prized sticker for completing a food exposure, mark down points earned on a piece of paper on the fridge or provide tokens that can be cashed in for larger prizes, or permit your child to watch an extra episode of a favorite television show following their food exposure victory. This can help your child sustain motivation and convey that you see and appreciate how hard they are working.

The Bottom Line

Selective eating is common, and you can support your child through their picky eating stage. Even if you can’t do a formal food exposure, having the food on your child’s plate and allowing them the opportunity to learn about it (or even better, to eat it!) is a great place to start. Exposure comes in many forms, and most children don’t need systematic food exposures for picky eating to improve. If you feel your child is struggling with picky eating that is more severe (e.g., it is starting to impact their growth or social functioning) or beyond the typical age of picky eating, then read more about avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder.

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