Same Old Story? Use Cognitive Defusion to Turn the Page

As a behaviorally oriented therapist, I talk a lot with people about the connections between thoughts, feelings, and actions. Whenever possible in my own life – as I’ve written here previously – I first try to change my behavior and pay attention to how my mindset or emotional state shifts in response.

But when thoughts get in the way of making change, it’s time to take a step back and consider the options available to us for coping with our thinking in the first place.

Imagine, for example, that I decide to write posts more regularly for The Feed because deep down inside, it’s important to me that people understand more about eating disorders, their treatment, and the recovery process. But every time I sit down at my laptop to start writing, I am bogged down with unhelpful thoughts:

“My little article won’t really help anyone.”

“No one even reads to the end of a blog post these days.”

“Other people could do a way better job than me at explaining this stuff.”

I quickly abandon my Word document to recheck my email, work on something else, or chitchat with colleagues about weekend plans instead.

In moments like this, when my thoughts hijack my theoretically desired behavior, I am fully fused with my mind. I am looking out at the world or my circumstances from within my beliefs. I am operating as though they are the truth just because I think them. The risk of being derailed is high.

Detaching from thinking – a skill called cognitive defusion in psychotherapy circles – involves noticing, rather than getting tangled up in, our beliefs, recognizing that the story the mind is telling is not a helpful one, and moving on.

Creating a little space between ourselves and our thoughts is not about feeling better or getting rid of ideas. Rather, the aim is to reduce the impact of unhelpful, unwanted thoughts on behavior so that we can get back to living our lives, and stay present in our day-to-day experiences.

The approach I find to be most effective to put this practice in motion involves using metaphor.

When I notice my brain doing its “unhelpful thing,” sometimes I think of it as:

1. a thought machine with a teeny tiny printer spitting out line after line of text on a piece of mental paper inside of my head,
2. a toddler whining for some developmentally appropriate but silly reason, like because the water is too wet, or
3. a factory that specializes in producing bespoke criticisms, special just for me.

For me, effective metaphors tend to invoke a touch of whimsy. If I can chuckle or crack a smile, then I’ve broken the spell my thoughts had on me. This creates the necessary distance between myself and my mind to get back to the task at hand.

Over the years, my patients and I have enjoyed figuring out what kind of defusion strategies they find most effective. Years ago, a young woman I worked with learned to think of her most unhelpful stories as her personal greatest hits Spotify playlist. We named each song. The result? A soundtrack of repetitive thought themes like “Failing yet again,” “Damaged goods,” and “No one understands.” Eventually, she got better and better at letting her music be on in the background, sometimes fading out, sometimes fading in, as she continued to make desired behavioral changes toward health.

There are other strategies to get better at observing our thoughts. Perhaps. simply thanking the mind for doing its ‘brain thing’ even when it’s not helpful. Or, using mindfulness to practice nonjudgmental tolerance of thoughts and feelings as we experience them.

Really, any technique that helps us remember that our thoughts need not control our actions can fit the bill. Take me for example. Here I am, writing the conclusion of my latest blog post, even though my head tried to interfere several times throughout the process. And how do I feel now that I’ve completed the task? Proud of myself for doing something that matters to me. And hopeful that my explainer on cognitive defusion will be useful to you as well.

For more resources on cognitive defusion, check out:

• Defusion Archives – The Happiness Trap
• Cognitive Defusion Techniques and Exercises — Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles
• Defusion Audio Files and Exercises – Portland Psychotherapy

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