Building Teen Self-Esteem: Beyond Looks

Being a teenager has never been easy, and now is no exception to that rule. Adolescence is a developmental stage during which we work to figure out identities, manage independence, and strengthen our sense of self outside of our family. It’s also a critical window for fostering self-esteem. 

Self-esteem is defined as an overall sense of confidence in one’s abilities, personal worth, and values. Self-esteem is malleable and frequently changing during adolescence. And it’s important, not only because it’s an indicator of feeling positive about oneself, but because it has a close relationship with depression and well-being.

Perceived Appearance: A Key Component of Self-Esteem for Teens

While many factors can contribute to self-esteem, perceived appearance – a component of body image – is among the strongest predictors of self-esteem for teenagers.  Perceived appearance refers to the way one sees or feels about their body when they mentally picture themselves or look in the mirror. Research suggests that at least one-third of teenagers report feeling dissatisfied with their bodies. The good news is that just as self-esteem is changeable, so is body image. In fact, body image fluctuates often. And, there are ways to work on self-esteem and body image independently and together.

Looking Beyond Looks

By far, the most effective way to build self-worth during what can be an uncomfortable time in life, when the body is meant to be changing, is to look beyond looks. There are lots of ways to do this. Here are just a couple. 

First, take some time to notice and celebrate your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. To do this, think about what you like about yourself beyond looks. 

• Consider how your friends, parents, aunts, uncles, or grandparents would describe you. 
• What do your siblings admire about you? 
• Has a coach or teacher, or advisor offered you positive feedback lately? 

Keeping a journal to jot down some of these qualities and achievements may help you connect with positive feelings about yourself and gratitude. You can also practice writing down things you feel thankful for and what you have accomplished.

Second, figure out what’s really important to you. What qualities do you admire in others, and what do you want people to think of when they think of you? Then, connect those values to activities you might get involved in or other new practices you might build. For example, if you value kindness and compassion, think about how you can express that by doing something kind for a friend or family member. Linking values to action today can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself further down the road.

The Role of Social Media

Social media can have negative and positive impacts on mental health. When it comes to recovery from an eating disorder, the cons outweigh the pros in many cases.

On average, teenagers in the US spend nearly five hours a day on social media. Using social media for photo and video-related activities is associated with body dissatisfaction and disordered eating. For teen girls, time spent on social media appears to be directly related to internalizing the idea that thin is ideal – a known risk factor for developing an eating problem.

Social media use in teenagers can also influence:

• Sleep
• Academic performance
• Compulsive screen use
• Exposure to misinformation
• Unrealistic comparisons
• Cyberbullying

Setting Social Media Boundaries

There are many ways to experiment with how and how much you use social media and test out what it means for how you feel about yourself.

For example, you might

• unfollow or mute negative accounts that trigger comparison or inadequacy,
• follow accounts on enjoyable and interesting topics unrelated to appearance, and
• rework your algorithm so that, over time, your social media feed shows more content related to those interests.

Or, reduce your screen time and notice the impact. To do this, there are several behavioral hacks you can try. Ramp up the amount of time you spend on IRL (in real life!) activities where screen time is not necessary. Explore screen time management apps that can be set to signal when screen time should end, or try going into gray-screen mode to make your smartphone less enticing. Lastly, play around with where you store your phone when you’re at home. For example, keeping your phone outside of your bedroom at night can encourage better sleeping habits.

Be Realistic! These steps are ways to start reducing focus on appearance and help you tune in to the more important stuff. During a phase of life with lots of ups and downs and a built-in emphasis on appearance, it’s important not to neglect – and to learn to appreciate – who you are on the inside.

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